Happy world breastfeeding week! I want to start off by saying that I do believe that breast is best but, I am not opposed to formula feeding, I’ve done both. When I started planning to have kids I knew I wanted to breast feed. There are so many nutrients in breast milk that your baby needs.
A woman’s body is the most incredible thing. When your baby nurses their saliva enters your nipple and flows back into your body, by doing this your body is then able to tell what your baby is lacking and can make whatever they need for the next time they nurse! So when your baby has a cold, your body will make the exact antibodies they need to fight it.
Breastfeeding is not only important for your babies physical health it is also important for the mental and emotional health of your baby, as well as yourself. You experience a release of wonderful feel good hormones every time your baby nurses. They make you so happy, calm and sleepy. Your baby gets the benefits of being close to you as well as that comfort of nursing. It’s such a wonderful experience for you and your baby.
With all of that being said, it isn’t easy for every woman to breastfeed. I struggled with my twins. My babies were preemies and they were in the NICU for the first 7 days and I wasn’t able to hold them for the first two. During that time the nurses were bottle feeding them. Around their 3rd day we were able to hold them and I attempted to breastfeed. My son did pretty well but, my daughter was having a hard time. My son would latch for a few minutes and then unlatch and my daughter would latch for only a few seconds and then fight to latch again.
Once we came home that fight continued, both babies would latch briefly and then unlatch and cry and cry. I would sit in bed with a baby in my arms trying to get them to latch for 10 to 15 minutes with maybe 5 minutes of that fight resulting in nursing. Since my little ones were preemies we had to be very careful to not wear them out. Too much work at the breast meant they wouldn’t drink their bottle, which was their primary form of nutrition at that point.
I was pumping between nursing and knew that I was not making enough milk to support both babies. The most I ever got was about 12 oz. in a 24 hour period and that was with medication that was supposed to increase my supply, supplements, lactation brownies, Body Armor and Gatorade.
I was so happy, at about 8 weeks, I had finally gotten my son to latch and nurse for 20 – 30 minutes with out stopping. I could get my daughter to nurse for about 10 minutes but, that was it. I realized however, that even after 30 minutes of nursing when I would offer my son his 3 oz. bottle he would drink it all. It was then that I realized he had been nursing but, not drinking. He was using my breast as a pacifier.
I was trying to nurse both babies for 20 minutes or so and then offering them bottles and they both would take them, so that was another 20 minutes at least. I was spending almost an hour feeding each baby. They were eating every 3 hours at this point and I was pumping after almost every feeding for 30 minutes at a time. I wasn’t able to get anything else done and when I realized that my son wasn’t really drinking I said I can’t do this anymore.
I knew I wanted to continue to give my babies breast milk so I continued to pump. It was a hard decision for me but, it made the most sense at that point. I was pumping more than I was nursing and when I would pump I was only getting about an once or so at a time.
I had planned on nursing and bottle feeding together from the very beginning. I wanted Maranda to be able to feed our kids as well so I knew exclusively breast feeding wouldn’t be a good option for us, so pumping was always in the plan. I would have been happy to have been able to give them nothing but breast milk but, it just never happened for me.
I hoped that my supply would increase but it never did. I stopped the night time pumping sessions and concentrated on pumping as much as I could during the day. Since only pumping was never what I really wanted, I began to hate it. I would put it off until my breasts were so full and achy I couldn’t stand it and even then I would only get 2 or so ounces.
Emotionally this was a tough journey for me. I felt so much guilt, I felt like I didn’t try hard enough to breastfeed. I felt like I wasn’t pumping enough, I felt like I had let my kids and myself down. I felt like I wasn’t giving them what they needed.
I was down to pumping only a couple time a day and barely getting any milk. We had all but stopped giving the babies breast milk because it seemed to upset their tummy’s. I knew it must have been something I was eating but, I was so emotional and exhausted over the whole thing that I pretty much just gave up. I knew when I was still pumping but not giving the babies the milk that I was emotionally attached to the idea of breast feeding and I needed to give it up for my own well being.
I breastfed my twins for three and a half months and I am damn proud to say that. Not every feeding was breast milk and a lot of days they only got formula. I gave them as much as I could and I know that. Breastfeeding does not just mean putting your baby to your breast, it’s giving them expressed breast milk.
Even though I still believe breast is best, there is no shame in giving your baby formula. If your baby is hungry you feed that child however you can, if that means breast milk, donor milk, formula, whatever works the best for you and your baby is perfectly fine.
So while we celebrate world breast feeding week just know, even if you couldn’t or just didn’t want to breast feed your baby, your still a good mom. The way in which you nourish your baby is less important than the fact that you are nourishing them. I will say this, if you can breastfeed please try, it is an unforgettable experience! If you can’t it’s alright, your children will be just fine and they won’t love you any less! Being a good mom is rooted in making the best loving decisions for not only our children but also ourselves. Stop beating yourself up Momma, your doing great!!
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